Yesterday evening I lost my best friend. Lost shouldn’t be the right word, because I know exactly where she is, I just can’t reach her yet, but she has gone. Trying to describe what I feel now is an impossible task, for I feel empty, I feel full, I feel nothing yet everything, I feel grief and I remember joy. Every part of me wants to cry out to her and hug her, to tell her I loved her, that she constantly made me laugh, she helped make me who I am today. Being halfway across the world to all those who loved her is so difficult right now, but I know in my heart that the same God that loved her and loves us all binds us together, that we can all look towards him for comfort and for strength, that he is the one who is above all.
Angharad Mary Clague was the most wonderful girl- she was funny, she was beautiful, she loved with all her heart, she was a great friend and mentor to me; a fellow Glee/Cath Kidson /Topshop /Ben and Jerry’s lover. All the days I spent with her (and there were lots!) were amazing- most of the time a complete laugh, but sometimes tough, sometimes heartbreaking, sometimes beautiful and always a giggle. The past tense is not the right way to describe her, because that makes it real, and it so should not be real. My future, and her future, are so inexplicitly changed that I cannot contemplate not having her there to share in the joys and the lows of life- the boys, the day I deliver my first baby, the day I get married and she’s not there to be my maid of honour, the day I decorate my kitchen in Cath Kidston. I miss her, so much.
The team here have been wonderful, and my plans at the moment are to stay here for the time being, and return, but to come to the funeral, for I need to see everybody and all the people she loved. I can’t think past today, but my thoughts and prayers are with everyone and especially with the Clague’s- with Anne, Bill, Nick and Jonathon. All I cling to now is the knowledge of God- heaven better be making the most of my best friend, but knowing her she’ll be raving it up already. No friend was more loved. And no-one more missed. Please pray for us all.